Poor Oscar nominated actors. They get all gussied up and stand around like goons answering inane questions only to then lose their Oscar to an up-and-coming star in front of millions of viewers. Their lives are so hard, so sad, so tragic. Four out of five nominees will go home without gold statues, which is a pretty terrible ratio of failure to success. But before you feel too bad for these super losers, you should know that they don’t exactly go home empty handed. Every Oscar nominee receives a pretty incredible swag bag. Here’s a list of the most expensive items given in an Oscar’s swag bag:

African Safari: $15,580

Pictured: Premier Tours

Premier Tours offers Oscar nominees a vacation of a lifetime: a 5-day trip to the Abu Camp in Botswana. Premier Tours has paid for the star and one guest to travel to remote Africa for an all-expense paid trip. The star and their guest will view wild animals while riding in style atop elephants from the Abu herd. At nighttime, the star and their guest are treated to massages, catered meals, and unlimited drinks.

Blow dry: $2,000

 Pictured: JM Blowdry

Beverly Hills’ blow dry bar JM Blowdry are offering stars the opportunity to become VIBs (Very Important Blowouts) with year-long memberships at the salon. Stars can walk-in at any time and receive a $35 blowout for free. Upon arrival, the stars are also given unlimited champagne and cupcakes while receiving their blowout. Ah, the hard knock life of a celebrity.

Vampire face lift: $5,000

 Pictured: Kim Kardashian’s vampire facelift

The 2013 Oscar’s swag bag included a $5,000 voucher for the Vampire facelift. Kim Kardashian made headlines when she tweeted a picture of herself covered in blood, undergoing the Vampire facelift. The procedure involves injecting fillers into your face, then removing two teaspoons of blood, separating the platelets, and injecting the platelets into the face to produce more collagen. Those Oscar winners will do anything to protect their youth…